I used to be inspired. It was maybe just the inspiration and energy of youth. It seemed like everything came quite easy when I was younger. Now you have to work your ass off for everything and not only is nothing guaranteed, but you might just be set back.

Maybe I am too careful. Maybe the problem is actually now that I care too much about things I never used to and that simply slows me down. Either way, maybe just like in coming to South Korea, I need to throw a little of that caution to the wind more often.

I have a few things I have written lately, and I think I need to do that more often. I have taken a fair amount of pictures, most of them shit, (in my defense, I seriously need to get a better main lens), but I know I still have a lot of crap in my head that I should get down on paper. Unfortunately, when I begin writing, I too often start editing at the same time. Meh. We'll see.

It is odd this traveling thing in Korea. I seriously want to return, of course I want to see more of the world as well. I wish I could be in two places at once. I know I have to go home, where ever that is. I know I need some serious dad time. Then I need hunting, and Canada, and some of my friends, who have helped me in many ways, all of them much more substantially than any of them realize. Their notes, pictures, posts, and calls are "the light in the black, that is calling me back." In 5 months and change, I'm coming home. And that makes me sad.

Soju. Perhaps "Sorry on journey unfortunate". Likely just a little beverage that someone stumbled upon after fucking YEARS of trial and error, because the ORIGINAL thing just didn't quite CUT it.

Either way. It's late. I tried to sleep, but couldn't, so at the hour of 12:40 or so, went to an old haunt her in Seosan. Jumped in a cab and went to "Seo Boo Sahng Gah". You say it like that and the taxi knows where to take you. Once there, found my last remaining friendly bartender a little into her cups. She's leaving too. She wants to come to America. She's worried. She'll do fine.

As for my own devices. Last talked to my sister Beth and she related that it is in all likelihood that this winter would take Jimmy Johnston. I am rolling with Brian on this in that winter doesn't know shit. With mom working at what she is, and dad bearing the brunt, winter best watch the fuck out.

Give me a slight breadth of more than a year.
You can not do this to me.
In one year.

Not.

I do believe I need a break from the peninsula that is Korea. I really do like it, and the grass is not greener any where else, but it's a culmination of little things that has driven me to the edge and being polite simply has not worked.

Today at three different times, people pressed issues after the typical, "No, thank you." was offered. I have come to my breaking point. My co teacher, let us call him, "Tim", has on many different occassions asked me to eat dog meat. On those different occassions I have told him that I do not want it, but by all means, if he is used to eating it, and he enjoys it, then he should not stop because I do not want it. At one point he went so far as to say that he would, "Wait until I was drunk and then get me to eat it under the guise of thinking it was something else." I told him when he said this that if this indeed happened, not only would I never speak with him again, but there would be some severe reprecussions. At this point he laughed and said he was kidding. I only wished he said that about chocolate.

Today was basically the last straw. I have been busier than a one armed really busy thing due to a Korean teacher quitting in the end/middle of the semester, and so they mixed my classes by level even more, meaning about one third of my students were not working on what the rest of them were (due to ability, not their drive or coolness), and so the lesson plans I had for the fucking year are basically worthless. "Oh hi," I said as I was bent over a barrel and relentlessly boned.
So then they have me also jumping through late shithoops for getting my visa (which the teacher at the middle school didn't have to do when she got he visa a few months back), and to pile it on, today, I was hit, along with Chrissie, the middle school teacher, with the "Would you like to eat dog." We both responded with the, "No, thank you. You go ahead." This was followed with "How about dog?", and "Try this." as they brought plates of it to the table, and "Try the Boshintang." and etc etc etc...I fucking get it.

I have said, "Thank you, no."
I have said, "No, thank you."
This is not a fucking Dr. Seuss book, but I do not want the Boshintang. I do not want it by your wang, I do not want it with a song. I do not want the dog meat Shin Hargyoon; no I don't with a tampoon.

I have lost my patience. I do NOT understand how many times I have to say, "No, thank you." before the people finally understand that I do not want to eat the fucking dog.

If they want to eat the dog, great. Eat the fucking dog. If you want to rub them all over your nipples, go for it. If you want to boil it, and give yourself and enema with the soup, be my guest. I simply do not want it. You can have my portion, thank you.

I grew up with them as pets. Maybe they did too. Maybe they can think of them as both food and pets. I can not. I did not think that far into the entire ethos of the dog/man relationship. I just know that I don't want to eat the dog, because I still see Sam, the Beagle, with his soft brown ears and rolling howl saying, "Hi, Jeff. Take me for a walk so I can howl while I poop, cause it's old and it hurts, but I know you love me."

It's all good. I would not go to India, and beg people to try burgers because cows are "delicious year 'round, and especially on the grill!" or whatever reasons I could come up with to have cows (and good lord they could be numerous). If they don't eat them, I won't press it.

Seriously...what the fuck. Which part of, "No, thank you." did you NOT understand? No more.

I was looking through some old stuff after cleaning my apartment and on my external drive I found a couple copies of things that bring back good memories. Many of them I can't open because they're evidently in Wordperfect...old computer used it...why I don't know. Anyway...this was one of my favorite poems I wrote and when I submitted it along with a few others I won the William D. Elliot Creative Writing Scholarship. Afterward, in talking to Will Weaver, he congratulated me, and said that my submitted work had been exceptional and the obvious choice. It made me feel pretty good.

The Getaway


We are off to Frank’s
because it’s a going away party
and what better place is there
to help you forget where you came from?

More whiskey than ice, so no doubles here
but a shadow at the end doubles his
and the problems are gone.
Or beginning.

We talk of flight
and history
while the humanity
under one of the few tables
is enlightened in sleep
and believes he’s flying with us

Experience is what you get when life doesn’t turn out like you planned. As adages go, this one seems to “hit the nail on the head.” We can plan all we want, but often, life gets in the way of that planning, so perhaps more than planning, it is better to learn to be resilient and to learn to adapt.
When I was younger, right out of the Army and in a University, there were things that I wanted to do. Some I accomplished right away and some of them got shelved to collect dust like older, less popular books. As time crept on, my “library card” dropped further back into my wallet, and some of those old books seemed like they would never be read.
Thankfully, a few years ago I was cleaning out that wallet and came face to face with that old card. It reminded me of some of those old books that I had yet to read. I am truly better off for both rediscovering that card and dusting off some of the old classics. And concerning experience, who would have ever thought that I would find one of the best books I have ever read in the Library of the World, under the section Korea: .09-10. It is truly amazing, and I am now trying to read everything I can by the author.

The other day at school some of my students asked me to film a commercial. I didn't know what they were talking about, because they called it a CF. We ended up doing it, and it was pretty fun because I got to practice a little Korean. It was taken from a TV ad that is on some stations here, though I haven't seen it for a while. So, I hope to post it here as Facebook wouldn't let me post it; here we go!

I have a few minutes here at school, so I figure I might as well get my thoughts out on virtual paper while they are still here.

Recently, two new friends took me to one of their favorite restaurants here in Seosan, and now it is truly one of my favorites. I don't off hand remember the name of the restaurant, but I definately remember the name of the food I ate. It's called, 벼다귀 해장국 (Byuh dah gooey hay-jahng goog) and it is amazing. It's basically just a foot long chunk of pig's spine, split into 3 four inch pieces, and then boiled in a spicy broth with onions and little veggy chunks. The meat literally fell off the bone, and then you dip that into a blessedly spicy mustard type sauce. It all just melts in your mouth. All told, the meal is 6,000 won, or about 5 bucks. I was absolutely stuffed when I left...didn't even eat any of the complementary ice cream or coffee they had by the door as you leave...wow.

Still kind of bummed about my favorite bartender leaving, but she will be on her own adventure in Australia. She's been there before, and she speaks pretty darn good English, so it may not be as much a shock for her as it was for me coming here, and that's good. Either way, I certainly will survive, but she was a pretty cool bird.

Just a short note about time frames; I am amazed at how fast all of this has gone so far. I am nearly done with my 7th month in Korea and even though there have been some odd isolated days, or days that I was bored out of my skull, it has really rocketed past. I can't really say I have been bored out of my skull, I guess, but certainly there's been the down days...not so much depressed, but not having the ability to do some things. It took nearly 2 months before I said the hell with it and just went into a restaurant on my own...or actually with a friend...because something as simple as ordering food amounted to a perceived traumatic experience.
It is just not so bad. If they don't want to serve you, they will just say closed. Not that I have had that happen often, but in Seoul, a friend of mine and I walked into a restaurant and they kept saying, "no English", and we couldn't determine if they meant they didn't know English, in which case we didn't give a shit, we just wanted Galbi, or if they didn't want to serve English speaking people. We tried a few times saying we didn't care, then just said the hell with it and went a few restaurants away and ate. They took our money and didn't bat an eye.

Last but not least, something I made note of on my Facebook page. It was the first day of the new school year for my students on a Tuesday not long ago. Korea begins their school year in March as opposed to September when we do. My Tuesday classes are *supposed to be the lowest level of my English students. Often times, I wonder how they got place there. Maybe they just are not good at taking the tests, maybe they just don't care about English Education, but either way, many of them surprise me and do very well. They did in the same classes last term, and they have done so already at the start of this year.

I was explaining to my students in class 1-C2 (I think), that in America, our school day typically runs like this: 8:15 or so, the bell rings, and students are supposed to be in class. They have class until lunch with short breaks in between to go to different rooms. They have lunch for maybe 45 minutes during that day, maybe only a half hour, maybe as much as an hour. After lunch they head back into the classroom(s) and then they work (in theory) until 3:05 or 3:15 or so, and then the bell rings and 95% of the kids scramble for the exits, their school day done. Some may stay for activities, such as football, baseball, golf, plays, musicals, etc, but in general, the students leave.

My students here in Korea didn't fully understand what I meant when I told them this. They all had a confused look on their faces. "Gone?" one student asked. "Over? School over?" another student asked while the others stared right through me. You could literally hear all of them thinking as the full concept sunk into their minds. One student stood stooped over, sat back down and tucked a leg underneath his body on the chair, so he sat much higher than before. He peered off into space and a slight smile crossed his lips. I could see him mouthing a word for just a few seconds and then he leaned over a little closer and looked at a good friend of his. Finally, he said the word, twice, as if as he said it, it became reality for them as well.

"Ooooh...Utopia."